People Skills That Actually Work — Even If You Hate Small Talk
Let’s be honest: being good with people isn’t something everyone’s born with. Especially if you're more on the quiet side, the idea of “networking” or “charming a room” sounds exhausting. But here’s the truth: you don’t need to be a social butterfly to build strong relationships. You just need to get a few key things right — and most of it’s surprisingly simple.
Names Matter More Than You Think
Using Someone’s Name = Instant Respect
Calling someone by their name? It’s a tiny thing, but it makes a huge difference. It’s like telling them, “You matter. I see you.” Saying “hey man” or “dude” just doesn’t land the same. People want to feel recognized — and a name is the easiest way to give them that.
How I Trick My Brain Into Remembering Names
I used to forget names five seconds after hearing them. Then I started using weird mental shortcuts. Like, if someone’s named Aaron, I picture an axe. Sam? I picture a saw. Yeah, it’s weird. But that odd little image sticks in my head way better than just repeating their name. The weirder the connection, the better.
You Remember What You Decide Is Worth Remembering
Let’s say I offered you a million bucks to remember someone’s name a year from now — you'd remember it, right? That’s the trick. Most of us forget names because we don’t really care enough to lock them in. If you start treating names like they’re important, they just… stick more.
Make Small Talk Suck Less With Better Questions
Most People Talk Too Much About Themselves — Don’t Be That Person
Instead of trying to sound impressive, flip it — ask good questions. The kind that make people stop and think.
Not “So what do you do?” but more like:
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“How’d you end up doing what you do?”
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“What brought you here today?”
You get way better answers — and people feel like you actually care (because you do).
Use the 70/20/10 Rule (It’s Not Complicated)
This is how I approach any convo:
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70% of the time, I’m just listening.
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20% of the time, I’m responding or sharing my take.
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10% of the time, I’m trying to help — a tip, a name, a connection.
That small slice of helping? That’s what people remember.
“How” and “What” Questions Open People Up
You want stories, not one-word answers. Ask things like:
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“How did you figure that out?”
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“What was the hardest part of that project?”
People love telling their story — you just have to invite them in.
Your Energy Talks Before You Do
Your Vibe Shows Up First
Before you say a word, people are already picking up on your energy. Are you tense? Calm? Confident? If you come in with light, easy energy — not fake hype, just real calm confidence — people relax around you.
Quick Trick: Hype Yourself Up a Bit Beforehand
Before I walk into anything social, I do something physical — even 10 push-ups or a few deep breaths. Gets me out of my head. I also remind myself: “You don’t need to be perfect. Just be real.” That mindset shift works way better than over-prepping lines.
Know When to Leave the Chat
Sometimes, the vibe drops. Maybe the convo’s done or the group’s losing steam. That’s your cue to dip out, kindly. No need to force it. A smooth exit shows social awareness — and people appreciate that more than you think.
Don’t Give Boring Compliments — Be Real About It
Be Specific or Don’t Bother
“You’re awesome” is… nice. But forgettable.
“This morning, when things got tense, you stayed cool — that was solid.”
That? That lands. It shows you saw something real.
Use Compliments to Start Real Talk
Compliment + curious follow-up = gold.
Like: “You crushed that presentation — how do you stay so calm under pressure?”
Now you’re not just praising — you’re connecting.
People Know When You're Faking It
If you’re just throwing out empty praise, people feel it. Only give compliments when they’re legit. And when they are, don’t hold back.
Be the Person Who Connects People
Helping Others Meet the Right Folks = Superpower
I went to this fancy car event once and spent most of the time introducing people to each other. Didn’t talk about myself much. But you know what? Everyone remembered me as the guy who made the room feel more connected. That goes a long way.
Easy Way to Introduce People Without It Feeling Weird
You don’t need a perfect reason. Just say:
“Hey, have you met my friend Jake? He’s into the same stuff you are — thought you two should connect.”
Or even better, throw in a fun fact: “You both used to live in Thailand — small world.”
Ask Around, Spot Who Needs Help, and Offer It
Pay attention. Maybe someone says they’re trying to hire, or need help with a project. Ask:
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“Want me to connect you with someone who does that?”
Simple offer, big impact. You become the person who makes things happen.
Overthinking Ruins Your Shot — Just Move
You Don’t Need a Perfect Opening
I’ve stood frozen at events too many times, waiting for the “right moment.” Turns out, the best moment is now. Walk up, smile, say hi. Let the rest unfold.
Curiosity Is the Shortcut to Confidence
If you’re genuinely curious, you can talk to anyone. Ask stuff like:
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“What was the weirdest part of your journey?”
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“Have you always wanted to do this?”
Curiosity keeps things natural — and people feel it.
Being Present Is 90% of It
You don’t need slick lines. Just show up fully. Smile. Listen. Ask things that matter. That’s what makes people remember you.
Final Word
Being good with people isn’t about being loud, clever, or fake. It’s about being human.
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Learn their name and mean it.
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Ask questions that matter.
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Keep your energy real and relaxed.
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Give compliments that hit.
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Connect people just because you can.
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And when in doubt—just take the shot. Say hello.
Every interaction is a chance to grow — don’t waste it.
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